For Ulani:
So that you might know, in the depths of your Papa’s soul,
there is a wild, raging river.
And to the river guides, to anyone who has ever taught me about the river, & to anyone
who has ever allowed me the opportunity to impart some insight to them: I am
forever grateful & the pleasure was all mine. Good lines & go big.
“To someone who has
not run a rapid before & questions the need to do so at all, the lure of
this charging volume of water pouring toward your very own vulnerable, fragile
body is difficult to explain . . . it gives an edge to living, a baptism that
blesses with a reminder of mortality . . . once is enough for many, &
forever not enough for some.”
-Ann Zwinger
I drift along the
eddy lines, the places where current and calm meet. Here the two touch and
dance, whirlpools swirling down and boils rising up from the depths. Here, as
everywhere, water seeks equilibrium, balance. Maybe this is why I find myself
so drawn to rivers. They are all about seeking balance. Just as in life, along
the course towards equilibrium I often find myself in the midst of seeming
chaos. The rapids and cataracts, the waterfalls and explosions of whitewater,
the eddy lines and their tango of whirlpools and boils. Here, among the waves
and whitewater, is where I remember that magic exists. Engulfed by the currents
and the colliding of water and rocks, my soul sings and I know what it means to
be alive. In the heart of water’s struggle for balance exists this special place
I long to be, to know, and to take people to. This is why I am a river guide.
It never ceases
to amaze me how life can just reach out a grab me sometimes, pulling me into
something I know absolutely nothing about and yet simultaneously I feel more at
home in than ever before. This was the case with whitewater. For 41% of my life
now, I have been guiding people down the magical ribbons of rivers that lay
themselves out across the varying landscapes of this country. From the steep
mountain streams amidst the lushness of Appalachia to the rivers that carve
away at time and sandstone walls in the desert Southwest, from a few hours in length
to 16 days and everything in between. Each river its own personality and
lessons to teach, yet everywhere water doing the same thing . . . seeking
balance.
I do not wish to romanticize
things here or paint you some unrealistic picture of what being a river guide
entails. The days are long and the work is hard, both physically and mentally
demanding. I’ve been on trips where the temperature is well over 100 degrees
and on others when it has barely gotten in the 30s. I’ve paddled through every
kind of weather from snow flurries to wind storms to rain so hard I could not see past the front of my raft. All the while, no matter what the
conditions, no matter how long of a day it’s been or what the circumstances
are, it’s my job to get my guests safely down the river and have that trip be a
positive experience for them. There are a lot of factors to juggle, and then
when you throw in people, you just never know what you’re going to get.
Anybody can learn
to take a raft down a river, even the hardest of rivers. It would take some
time, but learning the mechanics of steering and the intricacies of reading
water are not some elite, unattainable skills. Like most things, they take
time. What separates those who thrive at being river guides form those who can
simply get a raft down the river is the ability to guide people. People
are the wildcard. The river lives by a few set, unchanging principles, the
first and foremost being to seek equilibrium. The same has never and will never
be said about people. Every trip, I get to meet a completely new group of
people. And it’s not that I simply get to meet them, but I get to interact with
them. I get to facilitate one of life's great adventures for them, and in doing
so I have the opportunity to connect with people. Now, just as in regular,
everyday life, there are some people who simply suck. Every now and again,
those people go rafting. But the vast majority of people show up excited and
enthused and ready for an experience, and I consider it one of life’s greatest privileges
to be able to share in as well as greatly influence that experience.
Being a
river guide does not build up my bank account. It has not gotten me ahead in
life financially, nor has it ever offered any kind of health benefits or a
retirement plan. But for all that it lacks compared to so many other
professions, it easily makes up for and surpasses them in stories and
experiences. Life is nothing without relationship, without connection, and there
are four relationships we all need to foster: with ourselves, with others,
with creation, and with our creator. How lucky am I that a trip down the river
allows for all of these.
I remember early
on, it was my second season guiding on the New River in West Virginia,
I received a letter in the mail. I had taken a family of four down the river
one day and out on a climbing trip another. The letter was from the mom, and
she was so appreciative. She told me how the trip had impacted their family and
how much of an impression I had made on her teenage son and daughter. “Thanks
for showing her that a climber/rafter/outdoorsman can hold an intelligent
conversation. I wanted to share these thanks especially in regards to one the
comments you made when I was expressing a little frustration with the lack of
cell phone connection. ‘That’s the beauty of it’ has made me think over &
over again about what the important things are. Thank you for bringing me back
to the precious moments of living.” What a great memory to be a part of.
On one of my most
memorable trips, I took six blind people down the Lower Gauley in the fall. I don’t
know if I had ever before or since been so gripped, so focused. The group was
amazing, by far the best listeners I have ever interacted with. They asked me
to describe everything in as much details as possible as we moved downstream.
Before too long, they had attuned their ears so that they could hear specific
waves and features that I was describing. At one point, as we were approaching a
rapid called Canyon Doors, one of the guys reached out his right hand and
finished my sentence for me, “ . . . because all down the right side of the river there are huge cliffs rising up from the water.” Those six blind folks taught me how to “see”
the river in a way like I had never before.
Other memories
come rushing in. Some being caught out on the river during a flash flood and navigating
rapids at water levels not see before, and others a flood waters rising so fast
that the safest way out was to hike. I’ve been lucky enough to have certain
groups come back for trips time and again, and every time we pick up right were
we left off, enjoying some time on the river together. I’ve hugged and held
grown men and women in tears on the last day of a one or two week trip through
Grand Canyon. Time on a river gets to people. Stepping into adventure with
people and sharing experiences and meals and weather and stories and stars, it’s
like nothing else I’ve ever known, and that is why I’ll do it until my body won’t
let me anymore.
“If there is
magic on this planet, it is contained in water.” The quote by Loren Eiseley is
one that I think of often. I feel as though I could go on and on about the many
things I’ve learned from my time spent on rivers, but then, lessons are best
learned through experiences, not words. So my hope for you is that you go and
have your experiences. Go run the rivers and see where they take you and who
they bring across your path. Spend time with the water, so that you’ll always remember
that magic exists. Find whatever it is that makes your soul sing, and live it
out. Just like the water, in your search for balance, onlookers will be
captivated by the beauty you make.